Have you ever heard this Deutsch volkslieder, “Es Waren Zwei Königskinder”??
If you have not, you can listen to it on YouTube, there are a lot of videos there. I am writing a couple of stanzas here, so you can get a feel of how it goes… I will explain it in English in a bit.
So, umm, where the fuck was I for five months? Well, not that you care, I took a break from everything.
The Check-In You know that moment in life when things crumble just enough for you to say, “Ah yes, this is fine,” while everything else
German hospital food really is a full anthropological study, especially Track 2. It’s like they designed the meals by asking, “What if we removed joy?”
I self-harmed again. I don’t know how to soften that sentence, so I won’t. The voices had been getting louder over the past few days,
It’s been a few days since that night, and I’m still trying to decide what was real and what was dream. The voices were louder than they’ve been in months, and there was a moment when the whole room seemed to tilt. I remember the blur of it more than the detail.
Astrophysics was my love.
I wonder why I left it and started doing solid state physics.
Maybe because I got influenced by M, “You will have more options here.” maybe it was that quiet bitterness that comes after too many small sacrifices, the whisper that says, “Why should I be the one to sacrifice every time?”
“So, how are you feeling?”
“Right now or how have I been feeling lately?”
Today, I will go to my doctor.
I don’t know what to say to her. How do you condense months of chaos into fifteen minutes across a desk? How do you speak about something that still feels unspeakable?
I have some memories untouched—
letters unsent,
the faint scent of her cologne,
the grey of that twilight.
bis später